Britney Spears is unpacking the emotional toll her conservatorship – and everything that came with it – took on her.
In a vulnerable essay posted on X Friday, Aug. 7, the pop star, 44, shared an old photo of her two sons, Sean Preston, 20, and Jayden James, 19, when they were small children running by a body of water.
"Those two little bodies came out of my belly ... Yes, they are mine," she wrote. "Unfortunately it wasn't until 5 years ago that I saw they were secretly taken to the beach by my mom and dad ... The whole summer."
She also revealed a recent conversation with one of her sons who said: "It was all science he didn't personally believe in God."
"In that moment I believed I had failed as a mother because I know there is a Holy Spirit that sits
high in the kingdom of heaven. I've been there I've felt it," she said. "I wanna tell my kids and people in general that I'm sorry for my mistakes in the past."
Swipe to see pic.twitter.com/Jon15EWv9E
— Britney Spears 🌹🚀 (@britneyspears) August 7, 2026
She said that she does not want to be in the business of Hollywood or even think about it, adding, "It's not like it was when I was younger … My intention and mindset were in a completely different place when I used to perform … Not one time in those 15 years was it ever me and the way I use to think … I was shamed, embarrassed, and forced to do all of it."
USA TODAY has reached out to Spears' rep for comment.
Her father Jamie Spears, 74, placed the "Baby One More Time" singer in a conservatorship in 2008 after she experienced a public breakdown the year prior. The conservatorship ended in 2021 after nearly 14 years following a highly publicized legal battle, the #FreeBritney movement led by fans and the release of The New York Times' documentary "Framing Britney Spears."
On May 4, she pleaded guilty to reckless driving following her March arrest in Ventura County, California, on suspicion of driving under the influence. The musician was placed on 12 months of summary probation, was required to pay fines and fees and complete a three-month DUI program, the Ventura County District Attorney confirmed.
Britney Spears said she never 'got to be me, the real Spears'
Spears said she lost the ability to be her true self during that time period, adding, "I never got to be me, the real Spears."
"I used to be unbelievably intelligent and 100 percent I was brainwashed into an ignorant system where every goddamn person took advantage of me," she said. "I firmly believe I am an angel, and it hurts. Time is in a different realm when you're an angel."
She continued: "I miss the excitement in my eyes being alive when I was younger, always so eager to please and hungry for life. I was unbelievably passionate about everything ... I know this was all years ago, but as I get older and understand my real value as a woman, I look back and say, "How the hell would a government allow that?"
She said she cried so many tears while living in prayer and doing yoga daily to cope with situationship, saying, "I'm extremely weak, but through weakness they say you will find the most strength cuz you surrender and give it to God."
"But why was me being better a threat to the country and my own family," she asks in the essay. "I will never get those years back and I'm proud of bringing it up because it’s honestly unbelievably sad."
Britney Spears asks if 'fame is an illusion'
Looking back at the situation has her questioning fame as a concept entirely.
"I dance by myself, but what if fame is an illusion? What if none of it is real? As people we all want a hero or someone to look up to but we’re simply just people at the end of the day," she said. "We're all stars in my eyes cuz I'm simply mamma now … I've met the most interesting, intelligent, inspirational people who aren't famous at all and would much rather have a coffee with them."
She also condemned her father for "not letting me" go to a diner to eat a hamburger with a friend of hers because of the paparazzi attention she received after being held in her home for four months, which she said, "offended him."
The Grammy-winner continued describing seeing photos of her father and mother Lynne Spears, 71, taking her children to the beach every weekend for the entire summer of 2021, prompting her to ask "why I wasn’t a part of their cool secret outings"
"I felt demoralized to live in a country where it was accepted for people like my mom and dad to live secret lives with my children," she wrote. "I honestly went to my knees and cried for two months... Society doesn't understand the real effects to this very day of the rights and freedoms anyone should be able to have."
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Britney Spears says she feels 'failed as a mother,' recounts conservatorship
