Kelsey Pomeroy, 35, had been working in her dream job teaching high school English for six years when she had her first baby.
She was making $39,000 a year, she said, and when she returned from an unpaid 12-week maternity leave, human resources informed her that those weeks away wouldn't count toward her retirement pension. In order to retire on time, she'd have to either pay the state the difference or work an extra year. She realized, then and there, that her career and motherhood couldn't coexist easily.
Pomeroy left her dream job in 2019. In those early months being at home alone with her baby, she said, she missed working and talking to people each day. So, she picked up her phone and started making videos on TikTok.
Within a couple of years,
she'd created a new career for herself online − a job with flexibility, posting for a following of 1.3 million users across platforms. Her income now surpasses her husband's salary.
"I remember the first time that I earned my entire year's teacher's salary in a month," she said.
Pomeroy isn't alone. There are thousands of mothers like her, who are getting creative in order to earn an income and pursue their careers while parenting.
"You really can't have it all, but you can live a full life," Emily Riley, a researcher and one of the few women in the top 1% of income earners in the United States, previously told USA TODAY. In her research of women in the top 1%, she said she heard a lot about "mom guilt."
"I think we are told a story that work and motherhood are in competition," said Anne Welsh, a licensed psychologist and executive coach. "And I actually think the reality is that there's a lot of ways to put your children first. That taking care of you and feeling fulfilled and advocating for your needs actually makes you a better parent because you show up more present and engaged, and you're able to enjoy your motherhood more."
In her own life, and in her work, she's found that women tend to become more ambitious when they become mothers, with a sharper, narrower focus on what matters. "Motherhood can really shape our ambition," Welsh said. The "mommy wars" that continue today, pitting women against each other because of their choices, leave everyone feeling judged, she said.
"If there was one right way to parent, we wouldn't have 50 million books on the topic," she said.
Women "can have a lot" these days because of how much more people are talking about the challenges that come with balancing kids and careers, said Eve Rodsky, author of "Fair Play," a guide for couples on how to divide domestic tasks. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy."
While not everyone is posting videos of themselves crying online over a Pirate's Booty snack at Target − a video that secured Pomeroy a brand deal with the snack brand − moms across the country are finding the balance that works for them when it comes to career, identity and motherhood. Here are some of their stories.
This mom pumps between classes, then ships her breastmilk 700 miles to her baby
Jadia Artis, 30, always wanted to be a dentist. But the COVID-19 pandemic put dentistry school on hold, and in the meantime she had her first baby in 2021. When she reapplied to dentistry programs a few years later, she was pregnant again.
"The first time I was pregnant, I said I wanted to be intentional about showing up as a mother," she said, adding that her firstborn was in critical condition when he was born and was transferred to the NICU. "This time, I didn't want many years to go by, and my dream to get further and further."
Now, Artis is attending dentistry school in Nashville while her kids and partner remain in Virginia Beach, 700 miles away. Her youngest was 9 months old when she started her program in June. Artis pumps in her car before class, and in her school's nursing room between classes. She keeps her milk in a portable cooler during the day, then stores it in bags in her freezer before shipping the milk home in packages with dry ice.
"There are people that definitely are like, 'I can't believe that you're not with your kids,'" Artis told USA TODAY. "If you don't have the guilt, then you get shame for certain decisions. But what I will say is there is no linear path to motherhood."
Pumping between her classes and FaceTiming into her oldest son's back-to-school events during study breaks, Artis likes to believe that her children will look back at this time and be proud of their mom for following her dreams. And while she knows her choice "may seem odd to some," she's confident that it is the best option for her family.
"It's not just about my goals anymore," she said. "Becoming a dentist is a family goal, to make a better family life for us all."
She lost her job, then built her own company to help other working moms
Beth Wanner, 39, said she "put off" having kids because she was "always nervous about what starting my family was going to mean for my career."
Working as a tech marketing executive, her job − which she loved − was demanding and fast-paced, and she wasn't sure how she'd balance it with motherhood. But after facing the reality that no time was going to feel like the "right time" to have a baby, she and her husband started their fertility journey. She said she tried to overperform at work, answering messages from fertility treatment procedure tables so that she wouldn't fall behind.
Coincidentally, two days after she found out she was pregnant, she was laid off. She got a new job quickly, but said that once her new employer found out she was pregnant, she never felt secure there. She said they made her feel that her impending maternity leave was an overwhelming burden on the company, and fired her in July 2023 after she told them that her doctor recommended an earlier caesarean section than originally planned. She's still in the midst of a legal battle over her termination.
Wanner gave birth a month after she was fired. Instead of basking in the glow of her new motherhood, she felt − as the breadwinner of her family − immediate pressure to find a new position.
"I needed to be out networking, but I really didn't want to because I didn't know how to introduce myself," she said. She wasn't on maternity leave, but she wasn't taking an intentional career break, either.
So she founded Mother Cover, a passion project that now consists of more than 250 "leave partners" who can fill interim positions when professionals have to take time away for care needs.
Like Welsh, Wanner said she believes women's ambition may shift when they become mothers, "but I don't think it lessens." Where she had endless time to put toward work before, she said, now she's much more intentional about how she uses her time and energy so she can still cherish moments with her daughter.
"Parents can do a hell of a lot more in that limited time than most, because they have a different type of ambition and motivation now," she said.
Madeline Mitchell's role covering women and the caregiving economy at USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Reach Madeline at memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ on X.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Long-distance breastfeeding? How today’s moms are making it work.
