I’ll never forget the day I saw blood on the toilet paper after going to the bathroom.
I was 25 years old, living in New York City and chasing my professional dream of becoming a journalist. I was young, ambitious and the last thing on my mind was my colon.
At first, I ignored the symptoms. But the bleeding continued, along with an increasingly urgent need to race to the bathroom, sometimes more than a dozen times a day. Eventually, I made an appointment with a gastroenterologist. That’s when I learned I had ulcerative colitis, a chronic inflammatory bowel disease in which the immune system mistakenly attacks the lining of the large intestine and rectum, causing inflammation, ulcers and bleeding.
As a result, I suffered for years with chronic unpleasant
symptoms like bloating, abdominal pain, abnormal bowel movements and more. There is no definitive cure. For more than a decade, my life became a revolving door of colonoscopies, medications, flare-ups and treatments administered from both ends. Nothing says glamorous 20-something quite like giving yourself a medicated enema before bed. But the physical symptoms were only half the battle.
I didn’t talk about my diagnosis with my girlfriends. I was embarrassed, ashamed and convinced that this disease had torpedoed my chances of finding love, building the big career I’d always dreamed of, having children or traveling the country. How could I go on a first date when I wasn’t sure I could make it through dinner without sprinting to the bathroom? How could I chase breaking news when my own body felt so unpredictable? I felt completely alone.
What I didn’t realize then was that millions of Americans are living with inflammatory bowel disease, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. But this conversation is about so much more than IBD. Gut health issues are staggeringly on the rise in the United States. Colorectal cancer is now the leading cause of cancer death among Americans younger than 50. Meanwhile, 45 million Americans are living with irritable bowel syndrome, 3 million with celiac disease and over 2 million with diverticulitis.
Somehow, especially as women, we’ve normalized bloating, constipation, abdominal pain and bathroom struggles. We’ve been taught to talk openly about our periods, our hormones and our mental health. But our bowel movements? That’s where so many of us have drawn the line.
For me, I'm done hiding. Three years ago, my friend Judy Batalion, who also lives with IBD, and I decided we’d had enough of the silence. We set out to write the book we desperately wished we’d had when we were first diagnosed, ”The Girl’s Guide to Guts.” Not a dense medical textbook or a wellness guide promising to cure everything with a green smoothie. But an honest, humorous and practical guide to living with digestive issues, written by two women who have been through it and are still in the trenches.
We share stories that once would have mortified us. Like the time I met comedian Chelsea Handler at the Sundance Film Festival and then raced to the bathroom and didn’t quite make it in time. Did I mention I was wearing an all-white outfit? Or the time steroid medication caused a side effect known as “moon face,” leaving my cheeks so swollen I looked like a chipmunk in my engagement photos.
But there were also days when I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. Countless plans canceled from a bathroom stall. Nights spent worrying whether the next morning would bring another flare and daily health anxiety that still creeps in whenever I look down into the toilet bowl, wondering if I’ll see blood again.
Despite this chronic illness chasing my rainbows like a giant cloud, I’ve continued to take big swings. Today, I’m a wife, a mother of two boys and a journalist who has traveled the country covering some of the biggest stories in entertainment and media. I’ve built a life that my 20-something self would have thought was an unattainable dream. I’m living proof that a chronic illness doesn’t have to derail your dreams.
Keep taking big swings. Go for the job. Fall in love. Build the family. Take the trip. You might just need an extra carry-on, not for your heels but for your medication.
Chloe Melas is an NBC News correspondent and co-author of “The Girl’s Guide to Guts,” along with New York Times best-selling author, Judy Batalion. Their book is out Tuesday, Nov. 10 (Dial Press).
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: This NBC anchor hid her bowel disease for years. Now she's sharing her story
