1. Physical Custody and a Regular Schedule
This is the foundation of your plan. It defines where the children will live and on which days. Go beyond vague terms like "reasonable time." Specify the exact weekly or bi-weekly schedule, including which days and nights the children spend with each
parent during the school year and summer. A clear, predictable routine helps children feel secure.
2. Legal Custody and Decision-Making
Legal custody refers to the right to make major decisions about your child's life. Your plan must state who holds this authority—whether it's shared jointly or held by one parent. Define how you will make crucial choices regarding non-emergency healthcare, education, and religious upbringing. Even with joint legal custody, it's wise to include a tie-breaking method.
3. Holiday, Birthday, and Vacation Schedules
Holidays are a common source of conflict. Your plan should have a separate schedule that supersedes the regular one for major holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, as well as for school breaks. Decide whether you will alternate holidays each year or split the day itself. Also, outline the rules for each parent's vacation time, including how much notice is required.
4. Transportation and Exchanges
Logistics can cause major friction if not clearly defined. Specify who is responsible for pick-ups and drop-offs, the exact times, and the locations. Neutral exchange points like a school, library, or daycare can reduce tension, especially in high-conflict situations. Also, state the consequences for being significantly late.
5. Communication Protocols
Set clear rules for how you will communicate with each other about the children. Will you use email, text, or a dedicated co-parenting app? Also establish guidelines for how and when the children can communicate with the parent they are not currently with, such as through phone or video calls. This ensures the child maintains a strong connection with both parents.
6. Child-Related Expenses
While child support is often a separate court order, the parenting plan should detail how you will handle all other costs. This includes uninsured medical and dental expenses, school supplies, and fees for extracurricular activities. Be specific about who pays for what, or how costs will be divided, to prevent financial disputes down the line.
7. Healthcare and Medical Decisions
Outline how routine and emergency medical situations will be handled. Who schedules appointments? Will both parents attend? The plan should ensure both parents have access to medical records and can communicate with providers. For emergency situations, detail the notification process so the other parent is informed immediately.
8. School and Extracurricular Activities
Address how decisions about education and activities will be made. The plan should ensure both parents have access to school records, report cards, and are listed as emergency contacts. It should also clarify how you'll decide on, schedule, and pay for extracurriculars like sports or music lessons, including who provides transportation.
9. Travel and Relocation
Define the rules for both in-state and out-of-state or international travel. Specify how much advance notice is required and what information must be shared, such as itineraries and contact details. Crucially, the plan should include a relocation clause that states what happens if one parent wants to move a significant distance away.
10. Right of First Refusal
This common clause requires a parent to offer the other parent the opportunity to care for the children before calling a babysitter or third party. If you include this, be specific about the minimum amount of time that triggers the right—for example, if a parent needs childcare for more than four hours. This can maximize each parent's time with the children.
11. Dispute Resolution
No plan can foresee every disagreement. Include a process for resolving future conflicts without immediately going to court. This often involves agreeing to try mediation or arbitration first. Having a pre-agreed method for settling disputes can save immense stress, time, and money.
12. Review and Modification
A parenting plan should evolve as your children grow and circumstances change. Include a provision that outlines how and when you will review the plan—for example, annually or upon a major life event. This ensures the agreement remains relevant and continues to serve the best interests of your children.
