Zach Ripperdan was in a dark place.
Ripperdan, who graduated from Queen Creek High School in 2024, comes from a family of great runners. Zach is one of the fastest in state history. His time of 1:51.23 in the 800 meters is No. 6 all-time in Arizona. His little sister, Nicole, nearly broke the state record in the 800 this past season
. Both are set to be teammates at Utah State University this upcoming school year.But after he graduated from Queen Creek, Ripperdan deferred his enrollment at Utah State and opted to serve a two-year mission in Ecuador for The Church of Jesus Chris of Latter-day Saints.
That’s when the thoughts started to creep in.
“I actually was planning on taking my life,” Ripperdan told The Republic. “I had it planned out. I was about
to go through with the attempt. But my mission companion got to the roof in time and got me away from the edge.
“He was like, ‘No, man, you got to go inside.’ And pretty much, he helped me out. I was able to get the help I needed. But yeah, I mean, it was pretty, pretty close. I had the thoughts for a little bit, but that was the first real time I was gonna go through with it.”
Ripperdan says that “toxic perfectionism” was eating away at him.
His identity was so wrapped up in track and field and that it was the only lens he viewed himself through. Also on his mind was his father, Adam, who was fighting cancer at the time.
“Just being super hard on myself and not being able to move past certain mistakes and accepting that, ‘Hey, I'm human. I'm not going to be perfect,’” Ripperdan said. “It was tough, you know, not being able to maybe train the best way I could. I was able to exercise. My dad, he was alive at the time, but he was still sick and that was kind of wearing on my mind.
“I've been able to kind of come to terms with the fact that I'm more than an athlete. There's a lot more to me than just track and field and other athletic endeavors. I feel like I've just matured and realizing life is worth living. I know I have faith that I'll see my dad one day again. Appreciate the time I do have with my family that's still here.”
Adam died at home with his family by his side on July 3.
Ripperdan's personal struggles stirred the idea for an athletic clothing brand aimed at suicide awareness.
The idea was in the works before his father died, Ripperdan said, but “if it helps people that may be affected by the passing of a loved one, that's always the goal to be able to help them and know that they're not alone.”
A former high school teammate, Adam Lopez, reached out to Ripperdan and wanted to join the effort.
Lopez, who lost his father when he was about to enter the seventh grade, had his share of struggles as well. Like Ripperdan, Lopez’s identity was directly tied to being an athlete. Lopez was a soccer player for all four years of high school, but switched to track and field his senior year. After chasing Ripperdan in practice, he ran fast enough to make the roster at Mesa Community College.
At MCC, Lopez got the attention of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, a Division I school competing in the Horizon League.
“I've always struggled with mental health as well, being an athlete,” Lopez said. “We're both Division I collegiate athletes, so we both obviously have a lot our plates. But I think it's something that's very overlooked. I feel like as athletes, we always are just seen as someone who always has to perform, perform, perform.”
Lopez credits Ripperdan with having a big impact on his life, helping turn him from a high school soccer player to a Division I track and field athlete. He was motivated by his former teammate and his honesty about mental health.
“It’s inspiring because you look at Zach and obviously he's had a lot of adversity,” Lopez said. “The desire to keep going and to keep pushing through and keep doing it for himself, for his family. It's not an easy thing.”
The two quickly got to work, producing designs for the clothing and messaging, then a website. “New Mind Athletics” was created.
There are three designs at the moment, with more to come. Neither Ripperdan nor Lopez have any business or marketing experience, but have been pleased with the response so far. The social-media platform Instagram has been an avenue to promote the new brand.
Lopez wore one of the shirts at a recent practice. Afterwards, a teammate told him that message on the back of the shirt helped him during the workout.
“If we help one person, I think that's honestly why we did it,” Lopez said. “As long as we help. We just wanna help as many people as we can. Just know there are people here for them, that they're loved and that every life matters. Especially as an athlete, with so much on your plate, it can be stressful.”
Even if they never sell another shirt again, Ripperdan wants the messaging to get across.
“It’s OK not to be OK” Ripperdan said. “And it doesn't mean that you're weak. The reason why I was like, ‘OK, I need help and I need to improve and be there, because I wanted to be there for other people in life. I wanted to be able to serve others and be my best self, someone people want to be around.' I want people to know that they're not alone.”
Help is available
A suicide crisis hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week by dialing 988. It is available to anyone experiencing a mental health crisis.
In addition, the Teen Lifeline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at (602) 248-TEEN (8336) in Phoenix or (520) 327-TEEN (8336) in Tucson to assist anyone experiencing a mental health crisis or who knows someone experiencing a crisis. Teens can also text (602) 248-8336 in Phoenix or (520) 327-8336 in Tucson between 3 p.m. and 9 p.m. every day of the year. Trained teen peer counselors staff the 24-hour hotline and are supervised by master's-level clinicians from 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. daily. Professional adult counselors answer calls at all other times.
This article originally appeared on Arizona Republic: Former Queen Creek runner launches brand aimed at suicide awareness
