In October 2024, a 20-year-old female student at Cornell University drank heavily at her sorority and a public bar.
She then went to a Chi Phi fraternity party where at least seven male Cornell students, who had also been drinking heavily, are alleged to have engaged in a variety of sex acts with her.
During the evening, one of the men sent an online message to 57 other fraternity members, offering her body (OK, a cruder term was used) for anyone who wanted it.
Eventually the woman passed out; she went home the next morning with bruises and a UTI.
An investigation followed but no criminal charges were filed.
Recently, the woman filed numerous civil lawsuits. The graphic details are not flattering to anyone.
No one is a winner here, except maybe a few
lawyers.
Not the woman. Not the men or their fraternity. Not the university.
Many in the political social media ecosystem will blame one or the other gender – in fact, that’s probably what you’re seeing. Social media thrives on rage, and it’s very tempting to whip up animosity toward half the population, treating ‘them’ as villains and ‘us’ as victims.
I am a lawyer and I have been researching gender for a long time.
This is not really about laws, villains or victims. It’s about socialization. It’s about the culture we’ve collectively created.
We've created this culture
Here’s what I mean:
Overwhelmingly, women are socialized to defer to male authority, to be compliant, to ‘go-along’ in social groups and to surrender when threatened.
Overwhelmingly, men are socialized to ‘prove’ their masculinity and to bond with other men through displays of dominance and sexual prowess.
How does this socialization happen?
Men in film and TV have 70% of the speaking roles.
In ads, men have three times as many speaking roles as women. In mass media, men portray positions of high authority almost 10 times more than women.
Think about absorbing that every day.
Online sexual imagery today overwhelmingly shows dominant, violent men and submissive women: a 2010 study of most-watched porn revealed 88% showed physical aggression toward women and in those, 96% of the time the women responded with "pleasure or neutrality."
Boys and girls after age 10, everywhere, see this. One study found 60% to 70% of boys ages 16-17 watched X-rated content five times per week. How would these images change your ideas of sex?
Between ages 8-14, girls begin deferring to boys in school, even when they know the answer; teachers are more likely to call on and respond to boys, even when boys call out of turn.
Moreover, all three major organized religions – Christianity, Judaism and Islam – have texts, legal frameworks and traditions that establish male authority and female submission. Talk about foundational.
Extensive research shows how misogynistic behavior bonds men together.
Many men who are wonderful husbands and fathers engage in misogynistic ‘banter’ with other men – locker-room talk – even when the content is intensely insulting to the women they love.
Why? Anti-female talk and behavior are glue for bonding with other men; that desire to belong overrides the content of the talk.
I am quite certain that those Cornell men knew perfectly well this was wrong.
Yet their desire to show masculinity to their peers by dominating a woman took precedence.
And I am also quite certain that the woman did not want to be sexually abused by just anyone on the 57-person chat. Yet her socialized reluctance to "make trouble" – or her socialized need to prioritize male attention – took precedence.
Let's address the root causes
Which brings me back to the real questions:
What are we doing to our children and teenagers that they are so unable to form healthy social bonds, manage their anxiety and find one another for mutually respectful sex?
Can’t men model less misogynistic ways of bonding with their male peers?
Can’t women find self-worth outside of male validation?
Until we look at the socialization, the root causes of these issues, we will misunderstand what’s going on and throw rocks at the wrong targets.
Until we stop socializing children and teens into unhealthy gender norms, this will continue.
And the only people happy about it will be a few lawyers.
E Scott Osborne is president of Through Women’s Eyes, a Sarasota-based nonprofit, and the co-host of the podcast "A Woman’s Place."
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This article originally appeared on Sarasota Herald-Tribune: Cornell is a symptom. Our toxic culture is the problem | Opinion.
