Your columnist will be here for you until the very end.
Now that we know that the very end is coming soon — artificial general intelligence will kill us all by 2030 — I have a plan for Californians’ last days together.
Introducing the California 2030 Doomsday Platform.
You may not want to read on, but. you may actually enjoy this exercise. Why? Because, while the all-but-certain apocalypse is a drag, there is something freeing about giving up on tomorrow. We can drop all our crippling anxiety about the future, and live for the present.
The benefits of the Doomsday Agenda start at the top. We no longer have to spend time worrying about politics and government. That will improve our mental health, and take the heat off our state’s elected officials.
Consider Xavier Becerra. Critics complain that our governor-in-waiting has no plan for his first term. Now, no worries. He doesn’t need one! His first term will be everyone’s last term.
From that start, the Doomsday Platform almost writes itself. You just pull the plug on anything aimed at improving the state beyond 2030.
California high-speed rail? Cancel it today. The first segment between Merced and Bakersfield isn’t even scheduled to open until after 2032. Why pour billions into a train that will transport only sentient algorithms? Stop the construction, and use the remaining money to throw the world’s biggest hootenanny.
We can also end YIMBY-NIMBY housing wars. There’s no need to sue cities over zoning laws or repeal the California Environmental Quality Act. No one needs a new house with a 30-year mortgage when they only have a three-year life expectancy.
Similarly, we can shrink our horizons when it comes to the state budget and economy. Forget the billionaire wealth tax, and litigation and administrative wrangling it will bring. Instead, Gov. Becerra can issue an executive order, the Apocalypse Asset Forfeiture Act, seize the accounts of tech billionaires, and let all Californians buy a jet ski for their final summers.
We can also officially give up on public education. Why wring our hands over drops in math and reading scores? Why make the UC system restore the SATs? Standardized testing is about predicting future success. There is no future success. Turn schools into laser tag arenas.
We can abandon our gains in health care, too. Today’s fight over Medi-Cal expansion no longer means much. Preventive medicine only matters if people are going to live long enough to get sick. Hand out the pain meds, and let everyone eat as much red meat, red dye, and processed sugar as they want.
Perhaps the most liberating part of the Doomsday Platform is environmental policy. California has fought hard to mitigate climate change. Last year, we renewed our cap-and-trade program until 2045.
Earth to Sacramento: We’re never going to see 2045!
We weren’t on track to meet our ambitious 2030 greenhouse gas reduction targets anyway. So why are we still pretending? Let the oil refineries stay open, and tell the Texans to pump all the off-shore oil they want. We need cheap gas to drive to the beach for the final countdown.
Now, some responsible Californians may balk at the Doomsday Platform. It means failing to maintain and replace important infrastructure projects. It means throwing our hands up at failing schools. It means giving up on healthcare gains. It means failing to build housing. It means missing our 2030 climate targets. It means ignoring long-term fiscal stability to fund short-term pleasures.
It might sound like absolute madness.
But if you look closely at all the things California’s state and local governments are not doing now, you’ll realize we don’t need to embrace a new Doomsday Platform.
We’ve already embraced it.
Armageddon, it turns out, won’t require us to change much at all.
Joe Mathews writes the Connecting California column for Zócalo Public Square.
This article originally appeared on Ventura County Star: Since we'll all be dead by 2030 ... | Mathews
