Adjusting to post-college life can be hard for anyone, but especially for young women who are trying to navigate lifein an unfamiliar area. Sure, it's easy to download Bumble BFF or slide into a potential friend's DMs, but that can feel unnatural.
In a world where the internet and possibilities are at our fingertips, more people want to make friends organically, by meeting in person or joining clubs.
Kellan Oxley, 29, who's been living in Norwood for nearly a year, shared the same sentiment, so she took matters into her own hands because she no longer wanted to live for the weekend – she wanted to meet people and become friends.
"I want to open my home and invite people in," the real estate agent said.
So, on a whim, she posted a video on Instagram
asking if any women who lived near Birdie's, a coffee shop in Norwood, would like to walk there, but she had no intentions of the post blowing up or going "viral."
"That's probably the very unprofound thing about it, that there really was no strategy. There was no planning, there was nothing," Oxley said.
A semi-viral Instagram post and sense of community led to 'Meet Her in Cincinnati' group
Her idea behind the post was exactly what it sounds like ‒ she was looking to build friendships and a community. Sitting outside Birdie's, Oxley recalled what it was like growing up and having strong community-based friendships, especially with her neighbors.
Before moving to Norwood, the Springboro native lived in a new-build condo community in Northern Kentucky and quickly realized it wasn't for her.
"I'm sure everybody experiences this in their 20s and 30s, like, your life changes. You buy a house, you get married, you make new friends, and some friends that you thought would be around forever are gone," she said, "and I thought, some of my parents' best friends growing up, and some of my best memories of growing up in a neighborhood are our neighbors."
Oxley was at home when she realized she didn't know her neighbors, and being a real estate agent, that didn't sit right with her. Thus, leading to that Instagram post, which garnered more than 55,000 views.
Oxley couldn't believe the attention her post was receiving.
"Someone had to raise their hand, and clearly, thousands of women were resonating with what I was," she said, adding that younger generations have a stigma against them as if they have their "whole lives ahead of them," but for many young adults, there is a lot of pressure and changes with transitioning to post-college life.
Her goal for the first walk was to get at least three women to sign up, and would've been "blown away" if five girls reached out. When it came to the first walk, which happened "very quickly" after her initial post, it exceeded her expectations.
Oxley decorated her home with balloons and even made a sign to help everyone find it. She said she couldn't wait to see everyone, despite having fears that no one would show up.
But as the famous saying goes, "if you build it, they will come," and about 15 women showed up for the first walk. The moment left her overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude, saying it was "beyond her wildest dreams."
Now, she has over 230 girls in the former "Girls Who Walk to Birdie's" GroupMe, which is now known as "Meet Her in Cincinnati."
The power of friendships ... and Birdie's coffee
Birdie's was just the meeting place location, but it's now become the foundation of many friendships.
Like Oxley, the women who attend the group events hope to build a sense of community and friendships, and if you ask any of them, they'll agree Oxley has done just that.
Audrey Busker, who moved to Norwood from the West Side about two years ago, still didn't really know anyone in her area. Then, Oxley's video appeared on her Instagram.
"I missed the first week, but I've been going since then," the 24-year-old said, adding that she loves the group so much because it's allowed her to connect with women who are "very different from me."
"I feel like that's honestly really one of the coolest parts of it, is getting to meet so many different types of people," Busker said.
Chiara Archer, a 23-year-old Canton native-turned-Norwood resident, shared the same sentiment as Busker.
"I wanted something different from all the run clubs I've been seeing (in Cincinnati), something more relaxed, (and) I liked the idea of having something where we go on a walk, grab coffee or go to a flower shop or trivia," she said. "I know that my friends were all happy that we found this group. My boyfriend was very happy that I found a community."
And not only has it helped build friendships, but even Birdie's coffee is seeing more business thanks to the group walks.
Brandon Adkins, Birdie's manager and head roaster since the shop opened in 2023, randomly saw Oxley's Instagram post and reached out to her, expressing his admiration.
"I remember the first (walk) being a Saturday morning. I was thinking, 'Okay, we just got busier,' nothing wrong with that," he said.
Building friendships post-grad is hard. An expert weighs in
It's not just Oxley and the members of "Meet Her in Cincinnati" who share the same sentiment that making friends or building lasting relationships is a struggle in your 20s.
"I just thought, 'Where do I fit in this world? You're just teetering between college feeling like yesterday, but also I'm almost 30, so maybe I should start acting like that," Oxley said.
Emily Minarchek, Ph.D., director of behavioral health for UC Health, said researchers often call the early 20s "emerging adulthood" because the period is marked by major changes, including starting or changing jobs, relocating, navigating identity shifts and placing greater emphasis on romantic relationships.
"Research has also shown that as individuals start this shift toward (their careers), finding a romantic partner and possibly starting a family, there is less time and emotional availability for friendships," Minarchek said.
As many young adults settle down, it's not uncommon for people to say, "Don't forget about your friends." And while making new friends might seem like a daunting task, research actually shows that maintaining friendships is "very strongly linked" to a person's well-being, making it an important part of holistic health.
"Social groups that are consistent and reliable can be wonderful community builders, particularly in a culture that is increasingly spending more time on electronic devices rather than in intentional and present connection," Minarchek said.
How to join 'Meet Her in Cincinnati'
If you want to join the group, they'd love to have you.
"My goal and my vision with this is to keep it consistent, but never make it feel like an obligation," Oxley said. "The door is always open. If you say you're going to make it and you can't come, do not be embarrassed to come back. I get it. I understand things happen."
She also encourages anyone to come, even if it "takes you months to get the courage to come, please come," adding that as long as people show up, she'll continue to organize walks and events.
Minarchek agreed, saying that even if some anxiety comes with joining a new group, don't be afraid to put yourself out there.
"Anxiety overestimates the threat and underestimates your ability to handle it. In other words, get out there and try even if you’re nervous. If you keep it up, eventually you will find your tribe," she said. "We know that people do not need huge groups of friends to have their well-being improved. You just need a couple of people you can connect with to get benefits."
To join the group's next adventure and stay up to date, message the official Instagram page, @meetherincincinnati, or reach out to Oxley through her Instagram page, @kellan.oxley.
This article originally appeared on Cincinnati Enquirer: She asked the internet to meet for coffee, now she fosters friendships
