The Treadmill Heart Attack
Long before his cancer diagnosis, Schimmel had a heart attack—an experience he mined for dark comedic gold in his special "Unprotected". The truly underrated part of this chunk isn't just the heart attack itself, but the setup at a painfully dated 90s
gym. He describes the absurdity of being hooked to a treadmill by a clueless trainer who is more interested in chasing women than monitoring his client's vital signs. The bit masterfully builds from mundane gym observations to the smell of burning bone and the sheer panic of a medical emergency happening in the most indifferent of settings. It’s a perfect example of how Schimmel could find horror and humor in situations where others would only find trauma.
The Make-a-Wish Foundation
This is perhaps one of the most daring and structurally perfect jokes in Schimmel's entire catalog, yet it often gets overlooked because of its intensely dark subject matter. He recounts a visit from the Make-a-Wish Foundation for his son, who was battling terminal cancer. The premise alone is gut-wrenching, but Schimmel navigates it with shocking irreverence, turning the tables on the audience's expectations. He confesses his own wildly inappropriate thoughts during this somber moment, creating a vortex of laughter and discomfort that few comics would ever attempt. It’s a bit that’s not just about pushing boundaries, but about the intrusive, ugly, and sometimes hilarious thoughts that cross our minds even in the worst moments of our lives. It’s pure, uncut Schimmel.
The Dog in the House
While Schimmel was known for his explicit material, his genius also extended to more universal, domestic scenarios. A prime example is his routine about the family dog, which appears in his HBO special "Unprotected." He perfectly captures the absurd, one-sided conversations people have with their pets, especially after the dog has made a mess in the house. His wife asking the dog, "Did you do that?" is met with his deadpan response to the audience. He then breaks down the futility of rubbing a dog's nose in it, explaining you have to trick the animal. It’s a bit that showcases his incredible ability to deconstruct a simple, relatable frustration into a hilarious study of human and animal psychology, proving he didn't always need shock value to get a huge laugh.
Marriage Counseling and the Vibrator
Featured in an early-career set at Dangerfield's comedy club, this bit is a foundational piece of Schimmel's persona. He talks about going to a marriage counselor who gives him cliché advice to “explore each other’s bodies” with marital aids. The punchline comes when his wife returns home with a vibrator that requires an absurd number of D-cell batteries. He quips, "This isn't exploring, it's offshore drilling." It’s a classic, brilliantly constructed joke that reveals his perspective on sex and relationships: a landscape of bizarre gadgets, miscommunication, and unmet expectations. It’s an early glimpse into the themes he would continue to explore with even more brutal honesty throughout his career, proving his mastery of the setup and punchline long before his life became his primary material.
