His 20-Year 'Business Trip'
Let’s start with the obvious: Odysseus was gone for twenty years. Ten of those were for the Trojan War, which is a somewhat understandable, if extreme, work commitment. But the other ten years were spent wandering, a journey prolonged by divine curses
and questionable decisions. For two decades, Penelope received no updates, no texts, no apologetic “lost my signal in the Cyclops’s cave” messages. She was left to manage a kingdom, raise their son Telemachus alone, and fend off over a hundred entitled suitors who had moved into her house. In modern terms, this is the ultimate ghosting. While Penelope was holding down the fort, Odysseus was having adventures that make a Las Vegas bachelor party look tame.
His 'Work Wives' Were Actual Goddesses
While Penelope was praised for her unwavering fidelity, Odysseus’s record was far from spotless. During his travels, he spent seven years as the captive lover of the nymph Calypso and another year in a willing affair with the sorceress Circe. Defenders might argue he was “forced” or that it was necessary to save his men, but the double standard is glaring. Penelope was expected to remain perfectly chaste while fighting off a horde of suitors, but Odysseus’s long-term affairs were treated as mere detours on his heroic journey. He eventually tells Calypso he must return to his mortal wife, but only after seven years of sharing her bed. It’s a classic case of “it’s complicated” that wouldn’t fly today.
He Comes Home and Lies About Who He Is
When Odysseus finally makes it back to Ithaca, he doesn't rush into Penelope’s arms. Instead, with the help of the goddess Athena, he disguises himself as an old beggar. The in-story reason is for self-protection; he needs to assess who has remained loyal and who has sided with the suitors who want him dead. But from a relationship standpoint, this is a massive red flag. He spends days in his own home, testing his servants, his son, and even his wife, without revealing his identity. He watches Penelope weep for him while pretending to be a stranger. This level of deception, even for strategic purposes, points to deep-seated trust issues and a preference for manipulation over honest reunion. It's less a romantic comeback and more a one-man episode of Undercover Boss.
Couples Counseling Involves Mass Murder
When the time for subtlety is over, Odysseus’s solution to the suitor problem is spectacularly violent. He, Telemachus, and a couple of loyal servants lock the doors and slaughter all 108 suitors in the great hall. While the suitors were villains who had overstayed their welcome and plundered his home, the sheer brutality of the act is staggering. From a modern perspective, solving your marital problems by executing everyone who ever hit on your wife is, to put it mildly, an anger management issue. This wasn’t just about reclaiming his throne; it was a bloody, possessive act to re-establish dominance, turning his home into an abattoir right before his big reunion with Penelope.
She Has to Trick Him Into Proving He’s Her Husband
Even after the massacre, when Odysseus finally reveals himself, Penelope doesn’t immediately fall into his arms. After 20 years of uncertainty and fending for herself, she is cautious and fears a trick. To be sure it’s really him, she devises a test. She orders a servant to move their marriage bed, knowing that the real Odysseus would know it's impossible because he built it around a living olive tree. When Odysseus reacts with anger, describing the bed’s unique construction, she finally believes him. While this proves she’s his intellectual equal in cunning, it also reveals the profound lack of trust at the heart of their reunion. Their first moments together aren't built on faith, but on a final, clever mind game.
