Because honestly, nobody actually wants the moon - we just want you to decide what to order for dinner without a 40-minute debate.
It is Promise Day soon
(February 11, for those who lost track after Rose Day). And if history repeats itself, Instagram will be flooded with captions about "forever" and "eternity." But let’s be real for a second. We are living in 2026. The rent is high, attention spans are low, and the idea of "promising the stars" feels a bit... inflation-adjusted, doesn't it?
I’ve been married long enough to know that grand gestures are great for movies, but they are terrible for Tuesday nights. The promises that actually keep a relationship from imploding aren't poetic. They are practical. They are boring. And they are absolutely vital.
Here are the seven "bare minimum" vows we should actually be making this year.
1. The "Phone Face-Down" Protocol
I promise that when we are eating, or when you are telling me about that annoying thing your boss said, my phone will be face down. Not just silent - because we both know I check the vibrations - but physically inverted. In an economy of distraction, giving someone your undivided attention is the new "buying them flowers."
2. I Will Carry the Mental Load (Without Being Asked)
This is huge. I promise not to wait for you to tell me the dishwasher needs emptying. I won’t treat household chores like "helping you" with your job. If we are out of milk, I will buy milk. If the dog looks weird, I will book the vet. We are partners, not a manager and an intern.
3. The 10-Minute "Decompression" Buffer
When I walk in the door (or log off from work), I promise not to dump my entire bad day on you immediately. And I promise to give you the same grace. We all need ten minutes to switch modes from "Corporate Drone" to "Human Partner." Let’s respect the transition.
4. No "I Told You So’
Even when I did. Especially when I did. I promise that when you mess up - when you take the shortcut I said was a bad idea and we get stuck in traffic - I will just change the music and hand you a snack. You know you were wrong; you don't need me to file a report on it.
5. The "Hangry" Defense Pact
I promise to never ask "What do you want to eat?" when you are already starving. That is a trap. I will offer three distinct options. You pick one. We survive. This saves more marriages than counseling.
6. Financial Transparency (The Scary Talk)
It’s 2026; money is weird. I promise to be honest about my debts, my anxieties, and that stupid thing I bought on impulse at 2 AM. No hiding receipts. If we are building a life, we need to look at the bank account without flinching.
7. I Will Let You Be Alone
I promise not to take it personally when you need space. Love isn't constantly being in each other's pockets. Sometimes, the most romantic thing I can do is leave you alone in a room with a book and close the door behind me.
These aren't Shakespearean. They won't make sense to a rom-com writer. But if you can look someone in the eye and promise to handle the dinner decision when they are exhausted? That, my friends, is true romance.
