Praise Effort, Not
One crucial element in a child's self-esteem is the way parents offer praise. Instead of complimenting inherent talents, the focus should shift towards
acknowledging effort and perseverance. For instance, if a child draws a picture, rather than saying "You are such a talented artist," it’s more beneficial to commend the effort: "I see how hard you worked on this, especially the details!" This approach teaches children that their efforts, rather than innate ability, lead to success. This shift fosters a growth mindset, wherein a child believes their abilities develop through dedication and learning. This contrasts with a fixed mindset, where abilities are perceived as fixed and unchangeable, which can lead to a fear of challenges or a tendency to give up easily. By praising effort, you encourage the child to view challenges as opportunities for learning and growth. Furthermore, this method also helps children connect their hard work with positive outcomes, increasing their motivation to keep trying, even when faced with difficulties.
Use Specific, Focused Praise
When praising, it is vital to be specific and provide details. General compliments like, "Good job!" or "You're so smart!" lack impact. Instead, point out the particular actions or qualities that you admire. For example, if a child organizes their toys, you could say, "I noticed you put your toys neatly into the boxes. That makes it so much easier to find them next time." Such specific feedback helps the child understand what they did well and how they can repeat these actions. It allows the child to understand the connection between specific actions and the positive outcomes, reinforcing desired behaviors and building self-confidence. Being specific can make the child feel seen and valued, as they realize their efforts are recognized and appreciated. Such targeted praise also allows children to internalize what they did right and develop a better understanding of their strengths. This also reduces the child's reliance on constant external validation.
Validate Their Feelings
Children often experience a wide range of emotions, which can be overwhelming for them to process. Parents can support children's emotional development by validating their feelings, instead of dismissing them. For instance, if a child is upset because they didn't win a game, it's better to say, "It's okay to feel disappointed when you don't win. I can see you are feeling sad." or "That must be frustrating." This response helps the child understand that their emotions are acceptable and normal. It helps the child to feel heard and understood, creating a safe space for them to express their feelings. Moreover, validation helps kids learn emotional regulation. When children see their feelings acknowledged, they begin to develop emotional resilience, which is the capacity to bounce back from difficulties and to cope with stress. This kind of interaction strengthens the parent-child bond and models how to handle strong emotions in a healthy way. It also prevents the child from feeling ashamed or confused about their emotions.
Eye Contact, Positive Focus
Using a child's name combined with positive eye contact can be a powerful tool for building confidence. When you talk to a child, look them in the eyes and use their name, such as, "Rohan, you are doing a fantastic job." This simple action shows the child that you are paying attention to them and values what they are saying. It also demonstrates respect, which fosters a sense of worth. Positive body language amplifies the effect. Nodding your head, smiling, or offering a gentle touch can reinforce the message. The use of their name and direct eye contact can make children feel seen and heard. It also helps them absorb the positive message you are conveying, contributing to their self-esteem. This technique can be used in many different situations, from discussing everyday tasks to providing feedback on schoolwork or any other activity. It is a simple but powerful tool for building a child’s confidence and their sense of self-worth.
Encourage Independence, Decision-Making
Providing children with opportunities to make decisions and act independently helps them develop confidence in their abilities. These situations can range from everyday choices to more significant decisions. For example, you could ask, "Do you want an apple or a banana for snack?" Or, when it's time to clean up, "What order would you like to put away your toys?" Allowing children to make decisions, no matter how small, helps build a sense of agency and competence. When children have the chance to make their own choices, they begin to see themselves as capable of influencing their environment. They learn to evaluate options, consider consequences, and take responsibility for their decisions. It creates a sense of ownership and accountability. These decisions contribute to increased independence, as they begin to recognize their capacity for self-direction. As they get older, the ability to make choices and solve problems becomes even more critical. This skill set helps kids navigate social, academic, and other life challenges with more self-assuredness. This will enhance their confidence.
Limit Comparisons, Embrace Uniqueness
Avoid comparing your child to others. Such comparisons can negatively impact a child’s self-esteem. Every child is unique, with their own strengths, weaknesses, and pace of development. When comparing children to others, it often creates feelings of inadequacy, envy, and competitiveness. Instead of focusing on what a child lacks compared to others, encourage them to embrace their unique qualities and skills. Highlight what makes your child special. Celebrate their individual talents, such as their creativity, kindness, or sense of humor. By shifting the focus to self-improvement, children learn to value themselves and their abilities, regardless of how they compare to others. Remind children that their individual journey is significant, and that their personal qualities and achievements make them worthy of love and respect. It helps build a positive self-image.
Model Confidence: Lead by Example
Children often learn by observing the behavior of the adults in their lives. Parents can inadvertently teach children by showing them how to act and respond to challenges. For example, demonstrating self-assurance and resilience when faced with challenges teaches children that setbacks are manageable and normal. Expressing confidence in oneself in everyday situations, such as during social interactions or when attempting new tasks, sets a positive tone for children. When children see their parents handle situations with confidence, they understand how to react to similar situations. This kind of interaction creates a positive environment and instills faith in their abilities. This kind of role modeling fosters a sense of security, as the child internalizes the confidence and skills that the parent demonstrates. It is often easier to help children feel confident when we, as adults, are also projecting confidence in our own lives.
