Shefali Shah Recalls Turbulent Marriage With Ex-Husband Harsh Chhaya: 'Emotional Abuse Is Just As Bad…'

Shefali Shah got married to her ex-husband Harsh Chhaya in 1994, but a few years into their marriage, the two decided to part ways. Later, they described their married life as a particularly turbulent

period. Now, years later, Shefali Shah has spoken about her time in the marriage and how difficult it was.

Speaking to Zoom, Shah shared, “Nobody told me that you are enough. You don’t need a husband, a friend, a brother, a sister to be complete. You are enough. So if you have great relationships, fantastic. But if you don’t, that’s not going to determine your value. Nobody told me that. And obviously, you go through things and you realise it yourself. It comes to a point where it’s make or break for you. That is when the realisation dawns. It may be happening every day, but then there’s that one moment when you realise, ‘Okay, this can kill me. I can’t do this anymore.’”

Speaking about how a conversation with a close friend changed things for her, she said, “I think I started feeling like this after my first marriage. I remember a very, very dear friend of mine asked me, ‘What if you never, ever find anyone in your life? Would you rather take that chance, or would you still continue to be in the marriage?’ And I said, ‘No, I will take that chance. If I have to live alone for the rest of my life, I will do it. But I cannot be somewhere that is not making me happy, that is not making me feel confident, that is not making me feel treasured.’”

Shefali continued and spoke about how emotional abuse is equally damaging, and one can never nullify it or normalise it. She said, “A lot of people go through it. A lot of us go through it. And you’re always told, and the constant question is, ‘Well, he didn’t hit you, right?’ Somehow it becomes this mindset of ‘Yes, he didn’t hit me,’ meaning he shouted, screamed, said things like ‘you’re so foolish,’ but it’s fine, he only said it. What you don’t realise is the kind of damage that is doing to you. It breaks you completely as a person. And I so resonated with that post.”

“When you tell someone that emotional abuse is just as bad, they respond with, ‘So what, you had a fight? Someone said something hurtful? You were demeaned in a relationship?’ They say that’s common in every relationship. So I had to share it,” Shefali continued.