I often joke with my family that we get to “reset” our lives three times a year. Like most people, we begin with the Gregorian calendar’s New Year, complete with reflection posts, resolutions, and the silent pressure to wake up improved. Being Telugu means we also celebrate Ugadi, which is our cultural New Year rooted in ritual and symbolism. And now, having married into a Gujarati family, Diwali marks yet another New Year, filled with light, prosperity, and the promise of new beginnings.
Three New Years. Three chances to start over.
It’s strange how these entirely arbitrary dates that have been collectively agreed upon and socially reinforced carry such weight. We’re expected to be more disciplined, mindful, and aligned with some ideal version
of ourselves soon after the clock strikes midnight. Why can’t change just quietly begin on an ordinary Tuesday?
Ever since COVID-19, these dates stopped feeling like opportunities to reset or reinvent myself. Instead, they became reminders of what I actually get joy from and a reason to return to that. The shared meals with people I love, a long seaside Sunday walk with my dogs, building things (sometimes my business, sometimes Lego), conversations that don’t necessarily lead to anything but fill your heart, and anything that feels like home to me.
Each New Year has a unique emotional thread. The Gregorian New Year arrives after a glamorous night of celebration, with the need to optimise, fix, and plan. Ugadi feels softer, soulful, and more intimate. Every year on Ugadi morning, I look forward to the pachadi lovingly made by my mother. Its blend of the sweet, bitter, sour, spicy, salty, and astringent flavours subtly acknowledges that life will never be just one flavour. While Diwali signifies the spiritual victory of light over darkness, it also brings renewal through community gatherings and shared optimism at both home and work. It feels like a collective awakening, with families doing their Diwali cleaning together and teams at work coming together with hopes of a successful new financial year as well.
None of these moments demand reinvention. We are the ones who have confused reflection with resets.
Some of my most grounding moments arrive after the celebrations end. Those in-between moments, with the ones who linger without agenda while the lull sets in and there’s a mess waiting to be cleaned up, seem unremarkable on the surface, but they hold an immense sense of gratitude. It’s a reminder that connection doesn’t live in announcements or milestones, but in presence.
Relationships, much like plants, need nurturing. But not all plants need the same kind of care, and this is something I’m constantly learning about as a new plant mum. Some thrive with constant attention, while others need space and patience. Overwatering can be just as damaging as neglect. The challenge is learning what each relationship needs and resisting the urge to treat them all the way you would like to be treated.
Things usually get complicated when care becomes transactional. We live in a world where material gestures are often used to express or replace affection. While gifts, favours, access, and generosity can be meaningful, they cannot substitute for emotional presence. People try to buy relationships and loyalty this way, not realising that connections built this way can never be real. You might gain dependence, gratitude, or compliance, but not love. Loyalty that’s bought can never be trusted, because it exists only to serve self-interest on both ends.
True relationships exist beyond vanity and material pleasure. When a relationship lacks emotional depth, it also lacks honesty and transparency. Without emotional safety, people perform instead of revealing their truest self. They curate, not communicate. And no amount of generosity can replace the willingness to be vulnerable.
Relationships with strong foundations also understand something we don’t talk about enough: sometimes, you have to prioritise other things. Life moves in seasons or, in my case, like my PMS mood swings. Careers demand focus. Health takes precedence. Family comes first. And there will come a time when rest is non-negotiable.
There have been times when I couldn’t show up for a friend’s party, a celebration, or even a wedding. It’s not because I didn’t care, but because I couldn’t be everywhere at once. Since I value relationships built on emotional depth, these absences didn’t fracture my bond. Maybe I was met with silent punishment for a few days (and that too mostly for a touch of drama), but the relationship held because it wasn’t dependent on constant visibility. That’s the thing about strong relationships; they trust intent, not just attendance. One of my closest friends lives in Dublin. Even though I haven’t seen him in 7 months and we can’t physically be there for all of each other’s milestones, there’s an unsaid understanding that we’re always rooting for and looking out for each other.
One of the relationships I value most is also one that has evolved the most: my relationship with my brother. We have heated arguments. We see life through very different lenses most of the time. We challenge each other, sometimes so loudly that our parents think we’re back to being terrible teenagers instead of adults in their 30s. Yet, beneath all that friction is an unshakeable certainty that he will always have my back. There is no transaction involved because we don’t keep count of what we do for each other. It’s just trust and love built over years of honesty, disagreement followed by understanding, and shared history. This kind of loyalty comes from knowing that even when perspectives clash, the foundation remains intact.
Perhaps this is why I no longer believe in New Year resolutions as markers of transformation. Because meaningful change isn’t a switch that you can flip on symbolic dates. Life doesn’t reset at midnight. The clock keeps ticking. What matters most is how we choose to be present in our lives.
Juveca Panda Chheda is an entrepreneur, writer and unapologetic slow-living advocate who believes mindfulness should come with a sense of humour. Views expressed in the above piece are personal and solely those of the writer. They do not necessarily reflect News18’s views.
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