5 Gentle Parenting Tips To Get Children To Open Up As A Parent Without Forcing Them

Children who go to school spend a lot of time trying to be on their best behaviour, learning social cues and understanding the expectations from society. When they come home, they are tired and overwhelmed, which might come off as them shutting down, being aloof or responding in 1-2 words only.

However, parents are eager to take a step into their kids’ world so that they can better understand what their child is thinking, learning or doing. It can be tough for parents to navigate this new behaviour from their school-going children, and it can lead to a flare-up.

So, Jenna Mazzillo, who is a behaviour analyst, teacher, and mom, shares how she uses her professional learnings to be a better parent while helping her daughter, Grace, also communicate

and expand her own world.

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A post shared by Jenna Mazzillo✨BCBA✨Parenting & Behavior✨Educator (@abanaturally)

In a video she shared earlier this month, the mommy blogger shared the things she does to get her daughter “to spill the tea about her school day”. Here are the 5 tips she shared with other new parents:

One: When she walks in the door [after school], I don’t say, ‘How was your day?’ Most kids are going to say good because they want you to move on. Instead, I say something like, ‘I love you’, ‘I’m so happy to see you’, or ‘I thought about you today.’ She just spent seven hours navigating complex social situations and academic demands, so it makes sense that the second I walk in the door, she doesn’t want to relive it. Instead, I start with connection, not questions.

Two: I join her world for 10 minutes. If she’s making a friendship bracelet, I’ll make one too. If she’s singing, I will sit there and listen. If she’s colouring, I’ll grab a crayon. And I don’t bombard her with questions. Just simple surface-level talk, and often that’s where the door opens up.

Three: During dinner, I open up by sharing something from my day first, and then we play a game called ‘Rosebud Thorn’. The rose is the highlight of our day. The bud is something we’re looking forward to, and the thorn is something that we didn’t love. And by opening up through a game, it feels less like I’m interrogating her.

Four: I ask specific questions and never anything that can end in a yes or no. So instead of ‘Did you have a good day?’, I might say, ‘Who made you smile today?’, ‘Tell me a funny story’, ‘Who’d you play with at recess?’ or ‘Tell me something weird that happened.’ Those questions usually get her talking. And the important part is that when she does talk, I don’t use that as an opportunity to jump in and provide her with a big life lesson. If I do that, then what I’ll be teaching her is that ‘Every time I open up, my mom lectures me’.

Five: If she says she doesn’t want to talk, I say, ‘No problem’, and we move on. I don’t push or take it personally because respecting her no is what earns me a yes next time.