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Tonight in Los Angeles, Hollywood is buzzing ahead of the biggest night in television, as stars of the small screen storm the Emmys.
But across the country, a different crowd is preparing for a new awards show, one with
performances from indie cult heroes like Nirosta Steel and categories like Ally of the Year “For the Gay Guy Who’s Rockin With Us the Most.”
Live from New York, it’s the Goneies, the inaugural fete from the pop culture podcast “How Long Gone,” whose hosts Chris Black and Jason Stewart have become icons to a certain bicoastal creative class. While Black and Stewart have anchored red carpets and toured the podcast around the world, the Goneies, taking place Tuesday at the Manhattan venue Racket NYC, is their most ambitious live event yet.
Sitting in a Lower East Side hotel bar, the duo tells Variety the idea originated as a joke.
“We were talking about the Las Culturistas Awards on the podcast, and we said, ‘What if there was a Las Culturistas Awards for guys like us?’” Stewart says, referring to the annual kudocast from Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers, which has become mainstream enough to air on Bravo. (While both podcasts appeal to the terminally online and culturally fluent, “How Long Gone” skews more straight and snarky than “Las Culturistas.”)
Continuing the bit, Black and Stewart started proposing categories, like Best Normal Restaurant, and riffing on what a “How Long Gone” awards show would look like. Once Ian Wheeler, co-founder of the podcast distribution hub Talkhouse, floated the name (and ridiculous spelling) of the Goneies, it was a done deal. It had to become a reality.
“We’re trying to make the things the guys say on the show happen in real life,” says Wheeler, whom Black and Stewart call the “fairy godmother” of “How Long Gone.” He jokes that their next event is a UFC-style fight between all the podcasters.
“Jason can take on Matt and Shane,” Black says, referencing the comedy podcast titans. “Shane Gillis is lowkey bigger than you think.”
“I’m staying in the Caramanica zone,” Stewart replies, referring to the co-host of the New York Times “Popcast.”
After they came up with the categories, it was time for the co-hosts to design the award itself. They had only one requirement, which was that winners could drink out of a Goneie à la the Stanley Cup.
“Not like those stupid Emmy awards,” Stewart says.
Black: “All those can do is sit in your bathroom in Brentwood.”
The Goneie is, however, a little bigger than Black and Stewart imagined. “Ian actually sent a picture of his awards shelf at his house last night,” Black says, “and the trophy was dwarfing his real awards” — which includes a Peabody.
“It’s kind of perfect,” Black adds. “I like that it means less but is more.”
In an era where digital platforms are looking for ways to mobilize their audiences to in-person events, the Goneies marks an “IRL” extension of the “How Long Gone” brand. The awards format proved to be attractive to corporate sponsors, with companies like Meta’s Threads and amp maker Marshall backing the event. On raising awareness of the podcast within the corporate world, Black says, “There’s always someone somewhere that listens to us. Maybe it’s not the boss, but it’s the cool person in the office who tells the boss.”
“I think it’s a hard audience to have credibility with and to be actually authentic with,” Wheeler says of the discerning culturati who make up the “How Long Gone” listenership. “And I think these guys do it better than anybody else.”
While “How Long Gone” is known and adored for its sardonic edge, the Goneies is born out of a genuine love of awards shows. “Some of our early bonding moments were gathering around a hotel room to watch the VH1 Music Choice Awards or some shit,” Stewart says. “Awards shows are cultural zeitgeist moments, and those don’t happen very often anymore.”
“Those things have gotten so bad now,” Black laments. “They’re just a shell of what they once were.”
When it came to the Goneies, their goal was to ditch the bad parts of the ceremonies and preserve the good. According to the co-hosts, the best thing about awards shows is making fun of people in the room, so there will be plenty of jokes at the expense of Black and Stewart’s celebrity friends.
The second best thing about awards shows is the music. The house band of the Goneies will be led by Grammy-winning producer Brad Cook, with live performances from Blondshell, Kevin Morby, J. Mascis and more. Black is comforted by the fact that indie rock fans who hate the podcast could still enjoy themselves at the awards show. (About half of the room will be “friends of the show,” and the other half those who bought tickets.)
While not all categories have been revealed, Variety can exclusively reveal that Rachel Sennott, Audrey Hobert, Ch’lita Collins, Veronika Slowikowska, Mary Beth Barone, Ivy Wolk and Jake Shane will compete for It Girl of the Year. And in the Album of the Year race, pop behemoths Drake and Charli xcx are nominated alongside indie icons Kevin Morby and Kurt Vile.
The Goneies voting body consists of just Black and Stewart, and the winners have not been notified ahead of time. However, Stewart says nominees who will be in attendance at the event have a sizable advantage. “Being in town moves the needle a lot.” Still, “The Price Waterhouse Coopers briefcase hasn’t landed yet,” Black quips, assuring that there won’t be a “Moonlight”-“La La Land” mistake.
“Obviously we wanted to get someone’s hot daughter to give the awards,” Black says. “You know how they always have like Susan Sarandon’s daughter in a ball gown actually holding the award? But we just couldn’t get it together in time. We know too many famous people’s kids to make a choice.”
Since the announcement of the event, the parallels between the Goneies and the Las Culturistas Culture Awards have been unavoidable. The whole thing is a bit awkward, perhaps, because Black has not been shy about voicing his criticisms of Yang on “How Long Gone.” But in a heartwarming development, organizing the Goneies has given Black a change of heart.
“I want to say something right here, right now on the record,” Black says. “Two days ago, I sent Bowen a heartfelt apology. I was like, ‘You know what? We’re biting his whole shit right now. I need to pay respects.’ And so I did, and he received it warmly.”
“Really?” Stewart says. “I didn’t know this.”
“When we’re making fun of something like that over and over, it’s obviously sort of rooted in: These guys are doing the same thing we do, but they make a lot more money,” Black continues. “‘Smartless,’ they can always get it. But Bowen and Matt are people we would in theory socialize with. So I wanted to send the olive branch his way, via Instagram. We squashed the beef.”
Forget the Goneies. Roll out the Nobel Peace Prize.
