Psychologist Highlights Impact of Elaborate Nighttime Routines on Intimacy

What's Happening?

A recent discussion with Alexandra Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist, has brought attention to the impact of elaborate nighttime routines on intimacy in relationships. Solomon, who is also an adjunct professor at Northwestern University, explains that the increasing complexity of self-care rituals, often branded as self-care, can inadvertently create barriers to intimacy. These routines, which may include multiple steps and products, can shift evening schedules and make intimacy contingent on completing these rituals. Solomon emphasizes the importance of balance in relationships, warning against losing oneself entirely in coupledom or retreating into individual routines. The psychologist suggests that rigid rituals can serve as excuses to avoid closeness, highlighting the need for partners to reassess their priorities and find a balance that allows for both self-care and connection.

Why It's Important?

The significance of this issue lies in its broader implications for relationship dynamics and societal norms around beauty and self-care. As self-care routines become more elaborate, they can inadvertently contribute to a decline in physical intimacy, particularly in monogamous relationships. This trend is reflected in data from the National Survey of Family Growth, which shows a sharp rise in sexlessness among young adults over the past decade. Solomon's insights challenge the societal pressures that equate beauty with desirability, urging individuals to reconsider the impact of these routines on their relationships. The discussion also touches on the intersection of patriarchy, sexism, and ageism, highlighting how these factors drive fear of aging and irrelevance, ultimately affecting intimacy.

What's Next?

Solomon proposes reframing nighttime rituals to prioritize intimacy and connection. She suggests scheduling intimacy, akin to a dentist appointment, to ensure it remains a priority. This approach encourages couples to be intentional about their time together, fostering anticipation and playfulness throughout the day. By integrating intimacy into their routines, couples can create a shared space that values connection over rigid self-care practices. Solomon's advice offers a practical solution for couples struggling to balance self-care with intimacy, promoting healthier relationship dynamics.

Beyond the Headlines

The deeper implications of this discussion revolve around societal expectations and the commercialization of beauty. Solomon's insights challenge the notion that beauty is conditional and intimacy must be earned through maintaining appearances. This perspective invites a reevaluation of the beauty industry, which profits from these insecurities. By questioning these norms, individuals can foster a more authentic sense of self-worth and connection, potentially leading to a shift in cultural attitudes towards beauty and intimacy.