Michelle Obama doesn't view her marriage to Barack Obama in the same light as the rest of the world. The former president and the former first lady's loving and playful union has been frequently described as the perfect relationship. However, Michelle doesn't want people idolizing her romance with Barack. During a 2024 appearance on Jay Shetty's "On Purpose" podcast, the bestselling author clarified, "I don't want people looking at me and Barack like 'hashtag couple goals' and not know that no, no, there
are some broken things that happen even in the best of marriages."
Michelle further proclaimed that every couple should understand that their relationship could have "natural, understandable rough patches" that they must fight through instead of calling it quits. Although the former first lady's words rang true, her mention of hardships raised questions about the Obamas' long-standing marriage. Michelle made a similarly eyebrow-raising confession about their union during a May 2025 episode of her own podcast, "IMO." She recalled how her husband made a dark joke after her mother passed away in 2024, telling her, "You're next up."
However, Michelle had the perfect retort, reminding Barack that since he and her brother and co-host, Craig Robinson, were older than she was, they would likely go before she did. Granted, the couple has often publicly used teasing as their love language, but the joke could have been too much for someone who was grieving. Over the years, Michelle and Barack have made several similarly startling confessions and revelations about their marriage that have caused fans to do a double take.
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Michelle Obama's Confessions About Parenting Have Been Very Telling
Michelle Obama has been open about the struggles of raising Sasha and Malia Obama during Barack Obama's two presidential terms. However, in a 2013 interview with CBS affiliate WCAX, the former first lady made a telling slip-up. As ABC News reported at the time, Michelle said, "Believe me, as a busy single mother — or, I shouldn't say single, as a busy mother. Sometimes, you know, when you've got a husband who is president, it can feel a little single. But he's there." Likewise, in a June 2025 episode of her "IMO" podcast, Michelle revealed that she had used a shady method to call out Barack for neglecting family time in the White House. The "Becoming" author sang the lyrics of "Cat's In The Cradle," a well-known song about a father missing out on his child's life because he was too busy with work, to draw his attention back to their daughters.
After capturing Barack's attention with the moving lyrics, Michelle warned him that he was missing out on the few years that Sasha and Malia actually wanted to spend with them. On another episode of the "IMO" podcast, in June 2025, the former first lady shaded her husband again by admitting that she was happy she had two daughters because her son "would have been a Barack Obama." When a guest argued that a mini version of the beloved politician sounded like a good idea, Michelle quipped, "No, I would have felt for him." Although she was obviously joking, her words still served as a reminder of why Michelle refused to have another child after Sasha and Malia.
Michelle Obama Resented Her Husband At One Point In Their Marriage
During a 2022 appearance on Revolt TV, Michelle Obama declared that she "couldn't stand" Barack Obama for a whopping 10 years of Malia and Sasha's childhood (via The Guardian). The bestselling author elaborated that her frustrations with her husband stemmed from the imbalance in their parenting duties while the longtime couple was trying to establish their respective careers. In a 2018 interview with Oprah Winfrey, Michelle confirmed that they eventually decided to try couple's counseling. She went into their first session expecting the counselor to team up with her and to help Barack understand all the ways in which he was wrong. Instead, the former first lady realized that she needed to do some inner work too. Through couple's therapy, Michelle and Barack eventually learned that they couldn't expect the other person to complete them.
As she noted, "We had to make our everything on our own. What clicked in me was that I need support and I need some from him. But I needed to figure out how to build my life in a way that works for me," per HuffPost. According to People, during a prior chat with Gayle King, the "Light We Carry" author shared that therapy also helped her realize the root cause of her feelings from the time, pointing out, "My resentment for him was that Barack was prioritizing himself, in a way." This revelation ultimately helped her accept that she needed to put herself first sometimes, too. Moreover, Michelle learned to be more open with Barack and to tell him that she missed him during his absences, while also altering her perception of love so that it was slightly less stringent too.
The Obamas Don't Always Fight Fair (By The Couple's Own Admisison)
During a 2020 episode of "The Michelle Obama Podcast," the titular host shared that she and Barack Obama had an unfortunate tendency to tap into their educational backgrounds as lawyers when they were arguing. As a result, the longtime couple's fights often became more about scoring wins instead of problem-solving. During their worst fights, she would inadvertently hurt her husband by not choosing her words more carefully and often only realized their impact afterward, when it was too late. Moreover, while the bestselling author forgot the words she used in the heat of the moment, Barack didn't. During one particularly nasty fight, Michelle even threatened her engagement to Barack. She recalled how the argument occurred while they were in her car, and she even tossed her engagement ring into the backseat to send him a clear signal that she wouldn't hesitate to call things off with if necessary. In fact, even their engagement itself began with a disagreement.
In her 2018 memoir "Becoming," Michelle confessed that she and Barack had several arguments about marriage because he believed that a piece of paper wasn't crucial in validating their love. However, she was still surprised when the former president chose to bring up the conflict while they were having dinner at a restaurant. "It was like pushing a button in me — the kind of big blinking red button you might find in some sort of nuclear facility surrounded by warnings signs and evacuation maps," she wrote of her reaction to her partner's provocation. What started as an argument ended up being a cause for a sweet celebration, as their waiter brought out an engagement ring in lieu of a dessert.
Barack Obama's Presidency Brought About A Rough Patch For The Couple
In Barack Obama's 2020 memoir "A Promised Land," he recalled how Michelle Obama had been less than thrilled when he initially asked her if running for president was a good idea. The lawyer reportedly responded firmly, "'The answer is no. I do not want you running for president. God, Barack, when is it going to be enough?'" At one point, even Barack began wondering if his bid for office served a purpose greater than inflating his own ego. However, his wife eventually, albeit reluctantly, gave the ambitious politician the green light for the all-important decision because she didn't want to shatter his dreams.
Meanwhile, in "Becoming," Michelle divulged that although she knew Barack was more than capable of winning the 2008 presidential election, she was still unsure if he would emerge victorious. However, Barack's victory only brought about more problems for them. In "A Promised Land," he wrote that loneliness and tension plagued their union during both of his terms. Some nights, the former president would even stay up and reminisce about the happier days of their marriage, worrying that they were behind them.
During a 2020 appearance on "The Late Show With Stephen Colbert," he admitted that time didn't heal the situation either. "Michelle stayed angry at me about it," Barack confirmed. "It would flare up every so often, but she stayed mad about it through all eight years." The former president also noted that his wife's anger stemmed from his constant bids for higher government positions putting tremendous strain on their family. Thankfully, Barack and Michelle's marriage changed for the better after leaving the White House.
Michelle Obama Acknowledged That Their Relationship Is Imbalanced
During a 2022 interview with NPR, Michelle Obama acknowledged that her relationship dynamic with Barack Obama had been imbalanced for quite some time. Although there were periods when one of them tended to contribute more to their long-standing union than the other, she admitted that she shouldered 70% of the responsibility at one point. The former first lady also had to let go of her career ambitions to create the kind of family she wanted. In "Becoming," Michelle shared that Malia and Sasha Obama's addition to their family created additional strain on her marriage.
"Something had to give and it was my aspirations and dreams," she penned. "I made that concession, not because he said, 'You have to quit your job.' It felt like, 'I can't do all of this. So I have to tone down my aspirations. I have to dial it back.'" While speaking at Hamilton College in April 2025, Barack made a candid confession that confirmed he was not done paying his dues to Michelle for all of her sacrifices. The bestselling author of "A Promised Land" admitted that he was in "a deep deficit with [his] wife," adding, "I have been trying to dig myself out of that hole," (via the Daily Mail).
Considering their many challenges, it's unsurprising that Michelle Obama had some wise advice for newly married couples in her NPR chat. The mother-of-two recommended that everyone who wants to get hitched should first accept that their marriage could have years of "discomfort" and would require more work than they likely expect.
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