Well, the Tesla Diner is finally open in Los Angeles. That's great if you want to hang out with a bunch of Tesla owners (or aspiring Tesla owners) and give your money to the guy who spent hundreds of millions of dollars to get Trump elected again and fired Engineering Explained's wife, but whether or not it will succeed still remains to be seen. Eater reports that Elon brought in Bill Chait, the restauranteur known for Republique and Tartine, as lead operator, but I also don't get the feeling the Tesla diner
will ever serve "somewhere between 2,000 and 2,500 people a day."
As many have already pointed out, that would make the Tesla Diner even busier than the busiest Waffle House in the country, and Waffle House is far cheaper than the "Shake Shack but somehow even more expensive" model the Tesla Diner is currently going with. Plus, as far as I know, Waffle House's owner isn't responsible for hundreds of babies catching HIV. Then again, Chait does know how to run a restaurant, even if he does risk losing customers at his other restaurants over his relationship with Elon Musk.
While it'll probably be a while before we find out how successful (or not) the Tesla Diner really is, that does raise one very important question: Which automaker would run a better diner than Tesla?
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OK, Hear Me Out
A lot of you are going to think I'm trolling here, but the more I think about it, the more I think Mitsubishi has Tesla beat, easily. Its lineup isn't nearly as exciting as it was in the 1990s, but Mitsubishi also knows what it is and how budget-conscious its customers are. Mitsubishi wouldn't charge you $13.50 for a Shake Shack knockoff. Mitsubishi wouldn't put Wagyu chili on its menu. Mitsubishi also wouldn't completely miss the message of "Star Trek."
Instead, you'd get good, basic food at an affordable price, and you'd get it fast, which is exactly what the vast majority of people want when they're eating at a diner. If you want to eat beef from a cow that got a Montessori education, you're probably gonna pick a restaurant that also serves sparkling water that was given a sound bath before bottling, not a diner. And yeah, people might make fun of the Mitsubishi diner, but they'd also probably admit it was better than they expected if they ever tried it.
Plus, since Mitsubishi is Japanese, you'd probably see at least a few options on the menu that aren't American diner classics if you felt like eating something more interesting than a burger. And if your bill came out higher than expected, you know the Mitsubishi diner would find a way for you to finance your meal.
What about you, though? What automaker do you think would run a better diner than Tesla? After you're done processing just how right I am about the Mitsubishi diner, let us know which one you picked down in the comments.
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